Stormgren's List of Do's and Don't's (is that right?) During Intercourse

Don't:

read the Times
forget to stretch prior to
wear a baseball cap turned to the side
cough
sneeze
put your elbows on the dinner table
clap and celebrate afterwards
laugh because you were "just thinking about something funny, don't worry about it."
chew gum
wear socks
tell someone sarcastically "slow and steady wins the race" while trying to compose yourself
put it in her bellybutton
eat (...well, food)
stare
sob uncontrollably
fall asleep
do it in microgee (though this sounds cool, the logistics are truly terrifying)
under any circumstances lay a synth-harmonica track over a pop-ballad

Do:

(and this is very important) role-play Asimov's "Nightfall"

Example:
"Hey, so it looks like we're not gonna see any six of the stars in our stellar system for a night and the Apostles of the Flame want to self-fulfill an apocalyptic prophecy. Whaddya wanna do to pass the time?"
" Mmmm... throw your sex at me."

Oh my god, hot.

I would post more "Do's" but if I suddenly start dating (what does that even mean?) and she found out about this blog, I would no longer have any tricks up my sleeve. My sleeve with the sex list in it. I don't wear the shirt often because it's "dry-clean only", but it's really really nice. Came complete with multiple sex-lists inside the sleeves and beautiful faux-pearl snaps. That was a good description! Maybe after I retire Penis, I could put the sex-list shirt on Ebay.

Regretfully,
Craig